i drew eyes.i drew faces.i wrote stuff.i read stuff.i translated stuff.i played my guitar.i sang.i read my bible.i prayed.
just to get me through the night.
if only the consequences isn’t dark circles around my us.i guess i would just dissolve into the night.
sigh.
“i hate this part…”
well,at least there’s something to brighten up my day.found my ob night dress…hmm…
okay.so i was so the nervous that i screwed up for lit.
yup,i was shaking like mad(can’t even write properly),my brain wasn’t functioning normally(input>>limited process>>limited output), and i was basically panicked throughout the paper(it got even worse as time goes by)
so.i really really wish that i won’t fail.
i mean i can’t do anything.because it wasn’t that i couldn’t do the questions.just that i couldn’t think properly & clearly that i just can’t write.
still,i thank God for the courage.
there were a few moments which i actually thought of giving up.(that was how bad my “nervous” system was)
but i kept asking Him for help…
sooo…
just concentrate on my last 2 papers.
(would consider re-sitting next time)
so for the 1st time ever in my life…i spent rm99 for a performance..yes..my mum gasped in horror when she heard the amount i paid..but hey..my seat actually cost rm174..so its still a good bargain!(thanks to my gor gor who is a smart actuarial science student..muahaha)
anyway.i was very happy to watch the performance.i mean,i am always a performing arts fan.and “men in tutus” is the show.i mean,it is really famous all over the world…anyone who is a theatre lover would definitely don’t want to miss it!
it was a good show…definitely !haha.although i am not a ballet dancer(which is quite a pity)due to my natural stiffness of bones.i am actually impressed by it.
i have to say ballet is not “interesting”,in the sense that if you are expecting something explosive,you might just fall asleep watching a ballet performance.instead,ballet is artistic…yup.it is the combination of strength and beauty…a perfect combination that one would never have guessed how much strength has been put behind a seemingly simple dance move…(ask elynn..a grade 8 ballerina wey!look at her muscles!)
there was laughter throughout the show.it was that funny!the thing that makes me go wow is the fact that the performers are really terrific ballerinos..i mean there are comedians who make you laugh but are just amateurs.but these ballerinos are professional dancers.they have all it takes yet they twist it to make it so entertaining and lovable…:D
my personal favourite would be joshua the dying swan..that is seriously seriously fantastic.i just can’t stop laughing seeing him…bravo!epic!
this is him…the blondee a.k.a dying swan.
he is soo funny wey.when we wana take photos with him.he just can’t stop fooling around.asking gor to hug him and put on a funny face..lifting his leg for a beautiful ballet post…see his leg on the wall!btw.he is actually really pretty up close..hahaha…love his dress too!
and of course,the swan princess..he is one cute one too…although he is not the most flirtatious among all..hahaha.still.isn’t he gorgeous?
aww.i really love them.they are so sporting and enthusiastic even after the performance…that’s what i call professionalism!!!
okay.my conclusion for les ballets grandiva
1.the ballerinos are really prettie..haha.i mean.angmo’s have sharp features.after a touch of make up..tadaa…you have the ravishing ballerinas
2.the ballerino’s gracefulness is compatible with ballerinas..i looked at their shadows on the screen.exactly like a girl’s..really give them a sound of applause for that
3.stunning costumes..i wana wear their tutus..!btw..i can’t help feeling insecure for the guys who acted as guys wearing tight pants…haha(you get what i mean)somehow it distracts you..but fortunately,their dancing fascinates you,so your attention will soon be driven away..:P
4.the ballerino’s are HOT…another thing about their super tight outfits is that it shows the outline of their body..wuhuu..just look at their muscles..seriously..they look like artwork..(and did i mention that they are super tall?)
5.i love their humour,their parodies,their expression,their gracefulness,their body movement…i just love them!!!
red fella>>gor,me,cheng beng on my right
and shien who was almost late..haha.she rushed all the way from bukit jalil..
while waiting for her we walked around and took some pictures with my gor’s super camera.and i realised i am so not modelish at all..i can’t pose!haha.
but i found myself the best pic of the day.wedges & me!(natureal is the best)
every time i set foot into klpac…nostalgia would rush in and fill up my heart,leaving me with a sense of beautiful emptiness and a glimpse to the past embroidered by innocent laughter…
those were the good old golden days…
i had the best sweet 16…it was a very very significant year.i can always say that i was never alive until the year when i turned 16…
seriously.that was how important 2007 was for me
Green Meadow Theatre Troupe
i would always remember the day we went for our first photo shoot at klpac…
looking back at 16 year old me,hmm..not much changes.still look the same=.=..i guess the others look different.except for me?
if anyone wants a photo shoot.i would always say klpac is a perfect place.it is gorgeous....the blue sky and the green pastures are simply breathtaking.
it has changed so so so much since 2007.till now.i am no longer a part of GMTT as i was back then.well,the whole process was complicated.and back then i was really determined to stay there forever,but of course.circumstances changed.it isn't something easy to explain.but the pain involved has ceased.all that i know was how sweet the memories are to me.
maybe some would be puzzled by why i made such a decision.but all i can say is that i am really thankful for all the memories we shared.i thank God for the people i have met and of course still in touch now,especially my darling sis melissa.she has been one of the best people that i have met in my life.haha.
it wasn't a coincidence.nothing ever is.i am glad i came and left my footsteps...although no longer side by side,i still love you guys.
nostalgia is something really amazing…
my mum is one awesome mother.she was the one who planned the birthday celebration for dad.
God really gave her the gift of love.yeah…she never fails to show her love towards her family(how dare i ever deny her)…God really blessed us with her presence.
anyway.it has been quite some time since we celebrated dad’s birthday together.as a whole family:)…and…it was great.
my dad.who usually looks very fierce(i think lar,boss mar)thank God for having him,he has been working very very very hard all these years to give us what we have now…
now,the sweet photos.(so excited to see them taking photos together!)
yup,my mum was and is still pretty.so is my dad.i can always remember how some of my friends once told me they think dad was handsome.hahah..hilarious..anyway.when they were young.they were the good looking couple!haha,indeed,good looking parents produce>>>>>>
good looking children like us…buahhaha
anyway,you think us children look like our parents?i have taken slightly more of my dad’s side..i personally think.
feature comparison:
hair-mum
brows-mum
nose-dad
eyes-dad
mouth-mum
skin-dad
body-mum
hey wait a minute…haha..still.after observing the photos over and over again.i still look more like dad,overall.
to prove this.i have evidence..just look at the way we eat.
i can’t get away with genetics!!!
my brother is more of my mum’s side.my impression.but as he grew up,he changed…to be everything like my dad’s..even his horrible laugh nowadays!
now my brother’s features
hair-errrr..not sure.he sometimes use my shampoo,so very smooth
brow-definitely dad
nose-mum
eyes-hmm.looks like relatives on dad’s side
mouth-dad
skin-mum(he was fair when he was born!!!)
body-dad(just look at the size)
now from these pictures we can see a clearer comparison.darrel-mum,me-dad..hehe
but this picture shows resemblance between darrel and dad
that's why.its a combination.case close.period!
:P
p.s.
pizza is family as well(except for dad..he hates her…)
happy blessed birthday dad!
as i looked back at my NS photos…somehow,i felt different..only then i realised..there was a change in heart.
i never stopped telling everyone how stupid and mentally torturing it was in NS since my return and blah blah blah…
after the incident of the churches being attacked,Ps. Koshy said something that really caught my attention.
many of us have this deeply rooted prejudice towards the other race,because we have or rather we think that we have suffered much injustice all this while…
this simple sentence just stroke me.
isn’t it true?the origin of my bitterness which further leads to my mental sufferings was prejudice.sadly,it was exactly the case.
on Monday,while studying for my business paper i suddenly thought of revisiting my high school teachers…oh.how much i miss them.as i flipped through my year book to check out their names(gosh,i could not remember some of their names>.<)the tenderness just flowed through me.and..surprisingly,many of my favourite teachers were malays…
i immediately thought of NS.
yes,perhaps its true that somehow we can still see favouritism in NS but i magnified it way too much.till a state that i felt intimidated to these people and locked myself to my own world.that’s why i suffered much mentally,imagine yourself “indulging” in all negative thoughts,seeing the world in a most judgemental way and focussing on all flaws…
if only i have been matured enough to see through all these.maybe i would have enjoyed NS.simplicity isn’t that hard.sometimes,faith is all i need.love too.
love for others,even though it seemed hard.bitterness brings more bitterness…who could i have missed that?
and the funny thing was i took pride in my solitude.i was overly blinded by bitterness.
again.it is the matter of a thin line in between.sometimes human just rely too much on their own judgement.they fail to accept the fact that they might be wrong,or too harsh on themselves.
i was too harsh on others in NS which brought to me being too harsh to myself…
now i see more and more the purpose of NS..it was a big lesson after all.of my past,my perception and being me.
perhaps that was what i have been doing all these years.
yeah.
i am a very sensitive person.unfortunately,it comes with ego as well.
so basically,how i “function” was allowing my weaknesses to take over me.first of all,go through everyday life with extreme sensitivity,get overwhelmed by all sorts of physical,emotional,mental harm,process every single bit of detail and stores them in the subconscious plus conscious mind..thus resulting in pessimism in perceiving and understanding things.
now,as a natural art of living,there is this self-defence mechanism.when i feel afflicted by whatsoever…my ego steps in to play its role.it protects by going into a “fine,let it be,if you don’t understand me,so be it!who cares” mode..or… “creating a solitary world where there is no interaction with the outside world at all”
obviously.ego isn’t doing me any good.of course,being cool and ignorant and insensitive towards harm is something good.yet too much of it would definitely back fire.i guess it back fired against me all these years.
that’s why,i always knew that deep down inside.i am a nice girl.somehow.in real life.i see myself a nasty biatch at times…
problem with me.i am overly paranoid.well,after all i have been through all these well,it can’t be helped.still.i should have been much better.
after all.i believe in a God of love.
its true the world is a sad place.can’t find much of genuineness nowadays.still…always try to love before getting all protective
many times.you sow what you reap.
cautiousness is a must in relationships.but love must be there too.not only that.practical love must be there.
there is no love when people can’t see love.and many times people are blinded from love.some immune, some hopeless while many still believes in it.
so many showed me love.why can’t i show the same?i am disgusted with the fact that now i become one who loves conditionally.
NO!THIS MUST END.LOVE IS NEVER EVER CONDITIONAL.( i spent most of my time criticising others for such love but here am i doing the same!IRONY!)
that’s why.its true that the more i know the more i don’t know.i was trapped in my own shallowness.(and i laughed at other’s shallowness)the stubborn mind and heart.
God really gave me growth.through all the crap and stuff.
it is good to accept the truth.
a good start for a new year.
promised myself.this will change.
He gave a great heart..and so i shall use it..:)
On this day of your life, Felicia, we believe God wants you to know ... that how bad things may look right now means nothing, - it's how good they can be with God's help that counts.
In life you can absolutely count on one thing, - everything can turn around in one day, in one minute sometimes. Don't you dare to give up, - you might be a moment away from a windfall.
yes.even though its nearing..or should i say 2 days away.still.i can trust in Him.do all my best.God does miracles.if He wants to.i trust in You Lord.
i can do all things through Christ which strengthened me
i know what kind of crap i have landed myself in.
exams next week,and what have i been doing?almost everything except anything to do with my studies…
what is wrong with me?
have been complaining about my worried for the future..bad results.no chance of a scholarship.yet what am i doing or what have i done to change that?
NOTHING
something’s wrong with me.
Father.You know i trust in You.but simply trusting without actions is wrong.miracles don’t happen without hard work…that’s reality.
i know i am just a coward.
coward running away…all the time.
Father?
prayers…going off to cell group to refresh my rotten soul.
God bless me.
compared to connie talbot,i love kaitlyn so much more.well,both of them are adorable amazing little girls who can sing..but somehow,i felt that a little girl’s singing should always match her age…
i mean,kaitlyn has a very very cute voice,even if she just speaks,she can melt your heart…and when she starts to sing,though there are little flaws here and there…yet you can’t help but smile…it is so beautiful..
that’s why children’s singing are angelic..i don’t fancy singing techniques…just sing with your child-like voice is perfect…
as kaitlyn walks out with her chubby little feet in a very cartoonish way towards the middle stage,i am already so happy to see her…aw…then as kids say the dearest things,she captured the audiences’ hearts just with her conversation with the judges..hehe..she is soo funny…the way she tilts her head when she answers and puts out her hand to say she is 4 and answering…i’m from america…no wonder they called her america’s sweetheart..
as kaitlyn go through rounds,i still felt that the songs that she started off with are the best performances ever…indeed,you can cry hearing her sing…
she keep on saying that she is not nervous at all and she practiced really hard…so cute…but i am really impressed of her courage,she did not get scared or anything.she just stood there infront of all the crowd and sang…bravo…
wonder how she is doing now,it was year 2009 when she first appeared on america got talent…so now she is 5 years old,still adorable of course..wonder how her voice is like now.well,she needs to do all the recording before her cute voice changes…
she reminded me of summer,i think summer can sing well too.then i remember how she held the mic and refused to sing because she knew everyone could hear her..haha.
i would definitely encourage my daughter to sing in the future..of course,i won’t put her on national television,but maybe i could get her a recording…(who knows,she might be gifted by God)haha…seriously i love children’s singing sooo much…and sadly i never get to know how i sing when i was young.i knew i sang infront of huge crowds before…there was once in a camp i sang sailor moon’s japanese theme song..till now i could still remember seeing the crowd in front of me and hearing my voice through the loud speaker…memory still fresh…:)
p.s.
kaitlyn is a christian(so happy for her).there is a video of her singing a christian song in a church.i really think that all it takes for one to feel God’s presence of love is through a little girl’s lovely innocent voice…
if i can find her cd,i might consider buying it…love her lots.
its late,supposed to sleep,yet i couldn’t,these nights are more than familiar to me.
you call it emo?NO.its way more than that…
anyway.exams a week away.(or should i say next tuesday)
hmmph…
been listening to “already gone”kelly clarkson.
i love that song.
okay,perhaps the lyrics doesn’t apply…but still…i love the emotions.
the screaming(or rather strong notes in the chorus..starting from i want you to know..)i am so in love with that part….
yea…
I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT DOESN’T MATTER
sigh…love how songs say it best.
i think i love kelly clarkson already.i never really did.but i do change my mind.especially after watching the mtv of my life will suck without you…wow,i am so like that kind of horrible girlfriend..heehee…
back to already gone
ALREADY GONE ALREADY GONE…this meant so much to me…
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER…
SO I’M ALREADY GONE…
Mad World lyrics
Songwriters: Orzabal, Roland
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world
adam lambert’s so called best performance(i’ve been told)
anyway.this is one the best 10 songs of 2009(source,times)
strange.but don’t i feel like it.
by Leona Lewis
You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going
You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much I no along the way
Then I heard you say
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid ooh
And just when I
Have thought I've lost my way
You give me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand
When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
And I can feel you
When you say
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is full of sadness and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand x 2
oooooo mmmmmmmm
perfect,just the right song at this moment…:)
thank you Father..
this is the year 2010,and i want to get a part time job.
not joking,this is serious.
perhaps a waiter or something,hopefully in sg.long.wana ask around secret recipe,better not be station 1,it is too busy and too many people go there.(i don’t wana say hi while i’m working…i might accidentally poured something on someone..haha)
reason,obviously need help financially.
for people who think they know me,one thing they would get it wrong.i am NO RICH BRAT.
it might appear so,but never judge wealth by the look.this is a confusing world,nothing is what it seems.
i have a burden.and i pray that God will lead me in this.
2010 is different from the past.
boy am i happy or what.i’ve just downloaded 4 really beautiful songs for myself…haha…its a bold move too…because i might have a virus infection very soon…hope not
:(
anyway,it all started when i came across this super awesome Christian song…When God Made You..(it officially became our theme song..hehe.hope that no one else is using it..i am very very particular when it comes to layouts and designs and quotes and songs..etc.)
anyway.it is really beautiful…gonna use it for very meaningful videos in the future..:D
secondly,i’ve searched for the song which i fell in love with since high school.
yup,ronan keating did not made me love the song,it was the female version.reasons.
probably because i’m a girl,it seemed more of my reflection of the song when sang by a woman.and,in case you have not heard,alison krauss has the most angelic voice…i mean,wow,her vocal is really so remarkably charming…i can never forget a voice like hers.(she plays the violin toooo!!!wuuhuuu!)
sadly,not many has alison’s version of this famous love song.that’s why it immediately came into my mind…hehe.
meaningful lyrics+sweetest voice ever+lovely melody=one the best love songs ever
as i have mentioned, Jacob’s wedding mv uses this song called anywhere but here by safety suit.after watching the romantic video,obviously the song left quite an impression.
so i checked out the lyrics,surprisingly it is a sort of melancholic love song…haha…still,the song managed to leave me with strong emotions, almost breathless,feeling the pain of one who loves so much yet overwhelmed by uncertainty.
Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be or maybe be
Everything that I never thought could happen or ever come to pass and I wonder
If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed, cause you are
Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
Is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding
All my thoughts and dreams in hope that you will be with me or
Is this a moment to remember or just a cold day in December, I wonder
If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed cause you are
Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding of a love that will never be for you and me
Cause you are
You're beautiful inside, you're so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
and the last,a song i have heard over the radio and fell in love with.i heard of it long long time ago in my memories which i can never recall…but the melody just thrills my heart.
and,the lead singer of the cranberries also possesses an angelic,dreamy sort of voice.no wonder dreams sound so enchanting..haha,thanks to the singer’s special singing ability.
i’m happy,contented with my findings of the day.
told ya i’m obsessed with good music.oh yeah
:)
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