best of both worlds

so its alive.

if you understand chinese,would most welcome you to take a look at it…(actually,i’m very proud of it)buahaha…

well,its because my chinese writing ability is definitely better than english.and i tend to be able to express myself very artistically.(which is why i adore it so much)

the blog is basically all abstract…for the artistic effect of course and at the same time concealing the true story behind the emotions…haha.yet,perhaps if you know me well enough,you could decipher it…

yup,instead of studying i spent of time reviving my long forsaken chinese blog called heart’s melody(direct translation)

and oh boy,it looks pretty,although some of its graphics are the same with this blog but the descriptions are all different.(the style is different)

what else can i say.i have the best of both worlds:D

http://heartsandmelody.blogspot.com

(from the blog with direct translation)

music and heart

心与心或许只有音符的距离，而休止符不代表放弃，只是为旋律画上完美的句点，而我们却永远的演奏下去...

perhaps the distance between hearts is just a note apart, a rest is not giving up, but drawing a complete ending for the melody, as for us..the music plays on forever…

mine

so…this is to feed my ego…:D

royal purple…not bad…my favourite colour…somehow i relate it to vanity…hmm…perhaps?

 

 

according to the contour glass personality…which i find quite lovely…i am BLUE

haha

BLUE

strenghts:friendly and loyal

weakness:stubborn and often procrastinates

defining moment: “blue the Glue”is a peace-keeper and always smoothes things over.

Colour compatibility:

As a genuine friendly person, “blue the glue”has a high likeability factor and gets along with almost everyone.Even so “blue the glue”is the kind to have a small group of good friend and best connects with charcoal who appreciates blue’s loyalty and green who is reliable and dependable.lime has to many friends to be there when blue needs him.purple comes across as inapproachable and pink often clashes with blue…

exam

its time for the sleeping phantom to be awaken again.

as the bells of the exam hall chimes.the phantom glides and roams the grounds

to be seen or not to be seen…the darkest hours are moments of perfect bliss…

she…dances the melancholic pas seul…with an absent minded smile…

while you may…dance your night away…

 

i need to blurt this out

okay,i shall make it straight before i proceed.if you see the word “hate” below.it basically means an exaggerated version of “beh tahan” a.k.a can’t stand.so this is not a cursing or a post full of hatred.i believe that it is wrong to hold grudges against our brothers/sisters..(it is as severe as murder according to His word)

still,God understands we have emotions.so as long we understand where the irritation is coming from and going to,we can EXPRESS ourselves.but never condemning.just releasing some inner conflicts with vexation(exp when dealing with people..ouch!)

okay.so now.not going into details.

just that i happen to know certain people who are so “brilliant” in creating a false image that i couldn’t help wanting to give them an oscar

seriously.to me it is like so apparent but to people they just don’t see it despite all the evidence put in front of them.

why?

i’m sorry but i feel really disgusted by people who are ingenious in the art of portraying false images.

sigh…and how i felt intimidated by them.yea,i mean you will always be in a dilemma when you look at them..

“gosh,are they really that cunning and terrifying?or,am i just being prejudiced?”

sadly,you can never see into people’s heart.especially hers.

okay,i think she is never a threat.but after hearing what she has said and done before.i was so so so astonished.that…almost called her a biatch.of course even a real literal bitch like pizza baby is simple and dumb and adorable.

but her?who is she really?

it was stupid to get into fights with him just because of her.but seriously.never never trigger the ticking bomb within a woman.she would just go kaboom!it hurts too.honestly.you just can’t help wonder where did you go wrong?how come he can’t see what is VISIBLE but choose to trust the so called innocent ignorant lil sweet missie?

thank God its the past now.the worst part is me being such a headstrong person that i just can’t surrender which is forgetting the whole thing.it was so unfair!!!!she was the cause yet we have to suffer the consequences…and i need to seek for God’s forgiveness too…for the emotional outburst and uncontrolled rage.

yea.thankful too.for at last he seems to understand.that’s why,no more hard feelings.it was solved.PERIOD!

whoa,seriously,whenever i talked of this.my heart beat will quicken.hmm.not good.need to pray for strength to forgive and forget.

roses

have you ever heard a tale of roses…?once upon a time..or long long ago…

do you think of disney?perhaps you would picture the innocent snow white who has lips red as roses or sweet belle a.k.a beauty and her supposedly charming prince a.k.a beast with the enchanted rose…

a rose never will lose it's charm…it mesmerizes us with its ravishing beauty…it triggers the realm of imagination with its sophistication…oh,no one could deny Roses…

yes.whenever i think of roses.it would remind me of the proud yet vulnerable rose in “the little prince”…its funny but i do see some resemblance in me and that rose…thorns exist simply because its an instinct for self-protection…who would have known that fragility comes with such loveliness?

“The rose is a flower of love. The world has acclaimed it for centuries. Pink roses are for love hopeful and expectant. White roses are for love dead or forsaken, but the red roses, ah the red roses are for love triumphant.”unknown

“God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December.”James Matthew Barrie

“It is the memory that enables a person to gather roses in January”unknown

“The sweetest flower that blows,
I give you as we part.
For you it is a Rose,
For me it is my heart.” Frederick Peterson

“A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.” Gertrude Stein

“Time brings Roses.” Portuguese Proverb

“Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.” Richard Brinsley Sheridan

“It was roses, roses, all the way,
With myrtle mixed in my path like mad.” “Still more labyrinthine buds the rose.” Robert Browning

“I am the rose of Sharon, the Lily of the valley.”The Bible (Song of Songs 2:1)

“The rose speaks of love silently, in a language known only to the heart.”unknown

“A profusion of pink roses bending ragged in the rain speaks to me of all gentleness and its enduring.”“It is at the edge of the petal that love waits.”William Carlos Williams

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”William Shakespeare

even william shakespeare uses roses in his masterpiece…the bible speaks of Jesus as the rose of Sharon too.now no wonder roses are so extraordinary…i mean,roses are that inspirational

btw…i love this quote so much…

“Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says For the woman I love and the second, For my best friend..”unknown

hey hey

well,after quite some time,i finally started my future undergraduate course hunt again…

yup,i know my exams are nearing.in fact it is next week.after dropping law,it seems that examinations are just a part of life(no longer nightmarish tortures:D)and I’m very very relaxed.not panicking(not saying I won’t study)just that I don’t assert pressure on myself(sad to say,I’m still a last minute owl.)

oh yeah,i just realised my psychology paper is unit 3 instead of unit 1(why am i so blur?i can’t imagine what if I didn’t find out till the exam day…>.<that is like the end of the world wey)thank goodness it is not too difficult,i can pick two topics out of 3…phew(gonna study criminology and child psychology)

anyways,back to my main topic.so,i was browsing through universities in KL…then so happen that i went to nottingham.and that’s where i discovered my ray of light…

BA(honours) of International Communications

As societies throughout the world become increasingly interdependent, an ability to understand and to make use of communications has never been more important. If you are interested in the study of communications and how they take place in the modern world, the programmes offered by the Division of International Communications will be of particular interest. The programmes cover a wide range of core subjects including the study of modern European, Arabic and Asian languages, communications theory, culture, the media and the social sciences as well as subjects relating to the use of modern information technologies and globalisation. As well as core communications subjects, students are also able to choose from a range of optional modules offered across the University. This allows students both to enrich their overall learning experience and to follow a programme which meets their individual study needs.

By the end of each programme, students will have had the opportunity to develop a thorough understanding of contemporary communications both in local and international settings. Students will also have had the opportunity to develop the practical, creative, analytical and problem solving skills demanded by an increasingly globalised society. The programmes offered by the Division of International Communications are therefore highly relevant in a world currently facing the challenges and opportunities brought about by rapid technological change and growing internationalisation.

seems that it is a new programme in the semenyih campus…and yes,if you know me and understand the course description…you will definitely feel my joy…

gosh,this is like the best piece of news for the week…before this i couldn’t help the uneasiness of having a vague future…but once again…at least i have to target to look forward to

thank God for this….:)

p.s.the best part of this is that as long as i get AAB for my a-levels i get the opportunity to apply for the scholarship..yeah!

judgements

gosh,anger is seriously the root of all evil.no matter what your excuses are.no matter how you justify it.Our Lord can never accept any act that is based solely on judgements.

ye shall not judge

who am i to judge when He never judged me?

was a victim of false judgement.thought it taught me well never to do the same to others.however…emotions overruled like the darkest moonlight to the forsaken werewolf.

you reap what you sow.hatred poured in.bitterness felt.

ish, when i said "i am nice" i was wrong.went out of control for a moment.seriously,the bitterness lingered and filled every single nerve under my skin with a drive of extreme negative force.sort of like some redrawal symptom after consuming,perhaps marijuana?you can’t think well,your hand trembles,you basically act on behalf of the "king of the world"

thus.Forgive me Father for what did,pray for the seed of kindness to grow and manifest daily.and thank you for releasing the locked heart to see what is to be done.

what have i done?

it creeps with invisible footsteps slowly and silently...back...
when you are unaware
it crushes your peace and serenity with a menacing smile
and leaves you petrified
in pieces shattering
suddenly you realized
your darkest dreams would still fulfil its vow to hunt you down
and you know it
yet you know it

Father in heaven, only You, only You can say
"It has been done" everything is over.
Abba Father....illumine me....

my future…decided?

in Him i trust,in Him i submit my everything.

and of course,why should i worry about my seemingly “bleak” future?maybe not so depressing but vague.

yes,i don’t know where to go.and i am a funny person who is consider rather disorganised yet couldn’t stand the feeling of not knowing where i’m heading to(though i am graduating in june next year)

well, yesterday i heard a “call”

i always felt that God’s calling me.in what way?i never had an answer.

that’s why,when i heard of doulos.something just clicked within me.could it be?

i have read up about doulos and even contacted the person in charged.and in the last email between us,she said this:

“Meanwhile please pray for this direction and share with your pastor and family members, and pray together for open door.”

yes.i thought i heard someone knocking…but is it real?i want to knock on this door,will it be opened?

Only He knows.

may it be Your will if this is it…

poor pizza

pizza is in pain.
brought her to the vet and uh...it was terrible…

when i heard her screaming,when i saw how she struggled,when i sensed her helplessness and fear…
she seriously screamed.and it was such a pitiful and hopeless yelp that i almost cried.(as if someone is really torturing her)

my baby is hurt.
i always knew that she is insecure.
the first thing she did when i put her down after we reach home was...she ran straight out of the house and hid in a corner in the backyard.
gosh.i felt so so so so sad.it showed a lot how pizza actually felt deep down.since yesterday,pizza has been hiding herself from us.

she would run and yelp and hide under the bed,refusing to come out.and she would look so frightened.

even the doctor said that she looks like she was once neglected.
i think it is true.i always felt that way.when i look at her reaction whenever she is alone.
fortunately,while she is with us,i did the least i can do which is spending time with her.

i know she is a little attention seeker.and that’s so human of her.to seek for company and comfort.pizza would keep us in her sight as much as possible.

i don’t think its only because of her being manja

that’s more than what meets the eye.although pizza can’t speak,she feels
i really feel sorry for animals that are abandoned.i still think of moumou.how she came into my life and left because of my parents.
in bolt....mitten said a line about how animals wonder what did they do wrong that they deserved to be left behind.(i tell you that line made me so so upset)

moumou has already been such a pain in my heart.i miss her.how can i let that happen to pizza my darling too?

haih,i guess pizza won't response to me for a few days.as she always ignore us when we do something to her(ie sending her for trimming)
she gets so scared and would think that we just leave her to suffer.that's why she gets angry at us.(and just now was really tormenting for her)
i don't blame pizza,she can't understand humans.from her perspective.it is as if we don't care about her anymore and let her go through such pain.
pizza has a fragile heart.and it always breaks.(what to do,she never got enough love with the previous owner)

dogs who come from “broken families”suffer the same thing like us people.
dogs are just like humans when it comes to emotions.they actually feel alot and they really need us.
for now i totally despised people who don't see this

poor pizza,really hope that her wound would get better soon.
after the medication.her wound look so swollen and red(as if it s bloody)it looks bad but i still feel like cuddling her to comfort her.

i want to see my dumb dumb happy-go-lucky girl running around like she has gone cuckoo again.
i can’t stand it seeing her so miserable

my poor poor baby.pray to God that He will make her well soon       

:(

how they influence us

indeed,teachers are so called the engineers of human’s souls…well.i would agree again to a certain extent.but seriously.sometimes,i have to say a big NO!

in fact,they can be the most demotivating factor in a student’s life.sad isn’t it.i mean,for people like me,its already traumatising if i meet such a teacher,can’t imagine how many fragile spirits have been broken because of their insensitivity and callousness.

sometimes,they really put themselves so high up that they refuse to accept the fact that they are mere humans too.as for their students, they fail to see the goodness in all of them.of course,there will be some smart ass or goodie-goodies or shoe lickers which will eventually become teacher’s pets…but how about those common ones,misunderstood ones and ignored ones?

i seriously think that a teacher must never judge their students,and never ever practice favouritism(which still happens though they deny it…the irony!)that is something i hate most…i mean its fine to like some of your students(everyone has their own special likings towards certain people)but don’t let it affect they way you treat others.

seriously,sometimes i got so mad with those lecturers.especially when i tried to impress them to prove them wrong,unfortunately they just “let me down” again.and this really gets on my nerves.argh!

what to do?they have the authority.all you can do is bear with them.get over the pain of being denied and treated differently.what i did was that,i looked at it in a different angle.

though it really irritates me, i put it in an opposite way,the more unfair you are,the more i wanna show you that you are WRONG!yes,ill study hard,do well in class,so you will be speechless.this is so called the sweet revenge.haha.

haih, really pity those kids who are seriously screwed up thanks to those teachers.its sad,to see how a child is being deprived and forever a gone case just because the teacher doesn’t care.it really aches to see this happening.well,it happened to me before and till know i can feel the fire burning inside, the feeling of being pierced by words so harsh and cold,by stares so cruel and the worst thing is,you can’t do anything.

if i could go back in time,i would have stood up and shouted:

“NO!!!THIS IS NOT THE TRUTH!DON’T MISJUDGE ME.AND DON’T YOU KNOW THAT CHILDREN MAKE MISTAKES?!HOW CAN YOU FOREVER DENY ME JUST BECAUSE I DID A MISTAKE.IN FACT,YOU SHOULD HAVE GUIDE ME AND TEACH ME THE RIGHT WAY,INSTEAD OF HURTING MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT!!!!”

gosh,i can get very emotional when come to teachers like this.still, God wants us to forgive and forget.even if they really do me wrong,i don’t hate them.though i sometimes use that word, it actually meant disliking their attitude not literally intense hatred.

our Lord never fails

well,since the first semester,i knew that law wasn't my cup of tea
in fact,i kind of struggled as law really requires much concentration and passion
fortunately,my adorable law lecturer miss sarah really gave me much encouragement
she is a live motivation..for all of us(she is the best,smartest,nicest law lecturer ever)
sadly,due to her pHd, miss sarah had to leave us...
seriously,it was super bad news for me.
i mean, law is like so tough and the best lecturer is leaving...WHAT?!
anyway,to cut the story short...i struggled so much after that that i almost breakdown for a few times(overly stressed)
having 4 subjects isn't easy,and law is pulling me down...
exam is nearing yet my preparation is still zero
really felt like sinking....
cried a few times due to stress...
i just know that i couldn't take everything any longer.
that's when i start to think of dropping law.
yet i hesitated due to my principle
(treating a levels as a challenge and to secure an extra subject for scholarship in the future as english lit is impossible to ase)
still,our Lord knows us best...
tomorow is our contract law test,and i was so troubled i couldn't start studying.
then,i felt that perhaps it is really the time to make a decision.
thus,i spent quite some time praying and reading the bible for God to speak to me
indeed,after some time...He spoke
it was just amazing,the way God leads me to this decision
and it is not a immediate one,in fact,this was in my mind for quite some time
before this,i really felt that dropping law is unthinkable.
now,after making the final decision.
the dark clouds are all suddenly gone...
i feel so relieved and happy
through this,God also answered another prayer of mine(i need to share a testimony tomorow and i didn't know what to talk about)
i know that God will continue to lead me through
without law,i'm sure that i'll do better.
i have so much extra time now i can actually focus on other subjects.
ar....life suddenly becomes so wonderful again!!!!
seriously...
praise our God!!!!
p.s.today bought the studio gibli concert dvd!!!!!
gosh..if you are a gibli fan you will be screaming now(like what i almost did when i got it)
since i do not have test tomorow...hehehe
i finally get to relax and watch it...
yuuhoo...
i can't help but thank Him for his love and concern
as what i always believe in
God knows us best
and also my favourite bible verse
"casting all your care on Him for He careth for you"
1 peter 5:7

:) nice

well,this always happens when i am stuck in deep mud...

i should be doing what i am supposed to do...assignments,study...

yet,i succumb to my temptations to renew my blog...

hmm,the bad thing is, another night gone which is not productive at all yet tiring

the positive side...my blog looks nice...

i mean,i have always been a little overly sensitive when it comes to artistic stuff

(and i consider my blog as one)

i would get annoyed to see it plain and common...without a touch of art

so...now i am satisfied.truly satisfied.

in fact, i love it so much that i don't think ill change it again...(hah,hope i can keep to this!)

anyway, the images are beautiful...

especially my background...hehehehe...i love it!

violin,music sheet and love...(best combination for the theme of music & love)

the small images on the right are also awesome...the beach,the sky,the bible and the piano

i am so "proud" of myself...

seriously,i am those kind of person who gets excited to see really gorgeous artistic pictures...

and i even feel touched because of it...

its so perfect...

well, since i've already wasted my Tuesday night...

i might as well treat it as my little getaway from my nightmarish studies

and

"to pursue perfection in art..."

thinking of adding some music too...oops...

see,i really can't control myself...

whatever.i just enjoy doing seemingly insignificant but important to me stuff

isn't that so typical of a girl?

there are many things which people around would think of as a total waste of time

yet they are so into it...

i call it the passion for art

(or rather trying to escape from reality)

but

i truly find it pleasant to my eyes and soul to see my transformed blog...

at least i find something to smile for despite the overwhelming stress

thank God again,for letting me find happiness in this...

simplicity brings joy

:)

the current

i have no idea when it started.
just know that it is hitting me hard...
swish...it comes with the force of tsunami
swosh...it drowns me without mercy...
gosh,what can i do but to try to go against it...
i have no choice...
if i let myself drift...ill be swept even down stream.
dear God in heaven, give me the strength and courage...
to fight against it...
p.s.
being exhausted is not an excuse
failure is not an option

strength

and then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
~
what is strength?
Lord, i pray for strength given by you from within.
yes,not mere strength that would not last.
sometimes,we need the strength to believe,to accept and to receive.
to believe in people,in the unknowns ahead
to accept everything we are forced to take in
and to receive whatever You planned ahead.
its never easy.and i understand that.
~
she slowly learns to see things differently
too bad,life is still full of too many "surprises"
~
he needs it too.
~
may it be.
we have the strength,whats more to be afraid of?

people

seriously, i know i don't have the art to live with People. nowadays,people are no longer just people.they have all evolved into a whole new level.
at times, they scare me. at times, i really do not have the energy to decipher what the heck they are trying to do.
yea. tired of people.is there a phobia for this?
thank God i found those who i can trust. as for the rest, God bless them.
in this world, to be kind is to be cruel. why you ask i'm so cold hearted? it is just the way to preserve fragility.
how you perceive reality is seriously something fatal, it is either you choose to live in "the matrix" or you just put away all the rubbish and see from the naked eye what is really around you.
then you will see People.
the best thing is, you can't avoid them, you live with them.
just beware, never to turn into one.
People do not really cherish genuineness, people do.
living with People is something so unbelievably complicated,& i am not a master in it.
and i never want to succumb to it, i would rather die in solitude than betraying my status as a person.